Day 1: When was the last time you tried something new?
The last time I tried something new was also the day I tried something illegal.
I smoked pot.
There, I admit it. I've never smoked pot when I was younger, nor have I smoked a cigarette or tried any other type of drug. The most I had done up until the point of smoking pot was drinking the very occasional beer.
I'm not against drinking or drugs, they just aren't for me. The main problem is, I'm paranoid as fuck and always afraid I'm going to get caught and go to jail, or end up saying or doing something I wouldn't otherwise do in a sober state. Another reason is, even though I'm very good with self control, there was always a small fear in the back of my mind that I would get addicted to whatever substance I tried, and I just didn't want to risk it. Finally, I just don't like the taste or feeling that comes with smoking. I get extremely anxious when I can't breathe, and inhaling smoke feels like suffocation.
Before I go off on a tangent here, I guess I should explain what my first (and last) time I smoked pot was like. My friend, let us call him Bob, is a big time smoker and has always bugged me to try some. I always politely declined, and he would shrug and drop the subject. I'm not normally one to give into peer pressure, but Bob was consistent about asking me every time we hung out, and I was starting to get curious about what was so great about a plant that made Bob smoke it nearly every day. He would always be in a good mood, and his other stoner friends would always laugh non stop. I hadn't laughed in a while, it had been years since I just had a long, breathless chortle. I use to laugh all the time when I was younger, but life has made me tired and stressed to the point that my laughs are few and very far between, and usually the result of being sleep deprived. With this in mind, pot started to sound more and more appealing as the month of May went on.
One particular bad Friday at work had me stressed and near a mental break down. Bob came over with Pizza and ironically, that was the only day I remember him not asking me if I wanted to smoke. After an hour or so went by and he still hadn't asked me, I just straight up said "Aren't you going to ask me if I want to smoke with you?"
Bob raised an eyebrow. "Why bother? You always say no. I give man, I give."
Bob raised an eyebrow. "Why bother? You always say no. I give man, I give."
Bob laughed; he thought I was joking. When I didn't laugh back, he paused the movie we were watching and looked at me with a quizzical expression. "Serious? Are you being for serious right now?"
I nodded. "I'm being deadly for serious,"
"No, seriously dude, are you shitting me? Cause I got some, and I will definitely hook you up."
I hesitated; It sounded like a good idea when I suggested it, but now that he was offering, I wasn't so sure anymore. "Well...I don't know."
Bob shook his head and stood. "Nu uh, man. No way! You're not pussing out on me. You are so going to do this and you're going to LOVE it." He then ran out to his car.
He brought back a joint. "Jesus, you actually had this in your car? What if you had gotten pulled over?"
He waved a dismissive hand. "I'll be alright. Now shaddap and smoke. This is some good shit, too."
I had no idea what made weed good or bad, and I never did find out. My heart quickened and I started to break out in a sweat as I reached for the joint. "What if I try to jump out the window or something?"
Bob was clearly getting annoyed. "Dude, you ain't gonna jump out of a window and besides, I'm gonna be here making sure you're alright." He shoved the joint in my hand and lit it. "Now smoke."
With a heavy sigh, I slowly brought the joint to my lips, wrinkling my nose at the strange odor. I closed my eyes and took a very heavy drag. I ended up coughing my ass off while Bob laughed off his.
"Try again bro, c'mon!"
So I did. And I ended up taking a few more cough inducing drags before I felt something.
At first, it was actually pretty pleasant. My lower back pain melted away, and my whole body felt warm and tingly, much like the feeling you get from drinking to the point of being tipsy. I liked that feeling. If it had stayed at this point, I could totally have seen myself smoking pot once a week. However, these feelings were eventually overshadowed by much more intense ones.
Next came the giggles. Now, I have to admit that the giggles were not bad. As I said before, I hadn't laughed in forever, and I ended up getting exactly what I wanted. We were watching The Matrix: Reloaded before I had smoked, and we paused on the part where Neo and Trinity were about to bump uglies. Bob unpaused the movie and at first, nothing seemed amiss about it. However, when Trinity and Neo started screwing, all I could think about was how they had those connector hole thingies (like the one in their neck that they use to connect to the Matrix) on their nipples. It baffled me; how could anyone find boobs or chests attractive when there are gaping holes in them? This thought eventually lead me to another, one where Neo starts fingering Trinity's nipples.
It started a reaction that I couldn't quell until hours later. I started laughing to the point that I couldn't breathe. Bob was laughing hysterically at the fact that I was laughing, and all that did was make me laugh even more. I remember falling over into the couch and pleading between laughs "Shut up! You're making me laugh and I can't breathe! Stop laughing! STOP LAUGHING, BOB!"
Of course that didn't make Bob laughing, all it did was make him laugh even more, at one point he got up and ran to the bathroom to relieve himself, lest he piss himself. When he came back, we talked for about 45 minutes or so, and every single thing out of his mouth sounded so insightful and genius. I remembering thinking how smart and wise Bob was, and how he should write a book with all his clever theories. Bob, while smart in his own way, is not actually wise and most of his 'insightful' comments were actually pretty fucking stupid. The pot just made everything he said (or the TV said, for that matter) seem so interesting and amazing.
For the next two hours, I felt like the Joker because my mouth was in a permanent smile and even though I had stopped laughing like a donkey, I still managed to giggle every few minutes. However, by the time The Matrix had gone off and Bob had put The Chainsaw Massacre in, I started having bad side effects. It felt like there was an angry humming bird in my chest that was causing my whole body to heat up to ungodly temperatures, and time dragged on like walking through molasses. Soon, my mind felt very cloudy and every thought I had, I ended up forgetting it right after I had it, if that makes sense. I don't remember much at this point, all I remember is that I kept shaking my head from side to side for hours, and I kept asking "When is this going to be over? Is it over?" Bob told me to just keep eating and drinking and it would be over soon enough.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was fucking terrifying to watch while high. I don't even remember what that movie was about, all I remember is it scared this piss out of me and yet I couldn't look away. After it went off, I still felt like shit and it was pretty late, so I told Bob I was going to bed. Sleep came easy, but waking up did not. I felt like I had drank a barrel of vodka and wrestled with a bear. I was lethargic and my head felt like it was full of fuck. I remember getting up and eating breakfast, and despite the years worth of laughing I had done the night before, I still somehow had enough giggle juice to giggle my way through breakfast and the news.
Thank god it was the weekend because it took me the whole weekend and most of Monday to recover. I later found out that I had definitely done too much for the first time. Bob said I was a fun person to get high with and wants to do it again some time, but I think I'll pass. I know I could always try again and not smoke nearly as much but I just don't want to. I think once was enough for me.
Maybe next time I try something new, it will be something simple and relaxing, like knitting or ordering diet coke instead of regular.
Maybe next time I try something new, it will be something simple and relaxing, like knitting or ordering diet coke instead of regular.
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